.	December 1998
	Leading local scientists believe Ely may be built on the meteorite that changed the face of the earth 60 million years ago...

FACT: Ely is built on the only rock in the fens, Where that rock came from was a mystery... Until now!

FACT: The area surrounding Ely is much lower and is, scientists believe, the remains of the impact crater.

FACT: If a rock the size of Ely slammed into our Earth, the consequences would be cataclysmic.

Cromwell. Unhealthy & Ugly... but hung like a horse!

The meteorite, dubbed Cromwell's Rock, is also believed to be the event that initiated the separation of Great Britain from mainland Europe. Tests have shown the Rock to have a higher than normal radiation level which may account for Cromwell's ailments and ugliness. It could even be the reason Ely woman have such abnormally large breasts and why Ely men are hung like donkeys.

Officials were however quick to reassure the public that the radiation levels were within EEC guidelines and that there is no immediate risk to health.

"The radiation levels will have dropped considerably since Cromwell's times..." said Dr Karlof Bedingfelt. "but this discovery may be the answer to many local folke lore stories like the riddle of the Wisps. These were strange entities that glowed and flickered on the marshes like lanterns and lured unwitting travellers into the boggy swamps, in many cases, to certain death. The ghostly lights are well documented in stories such as Willow the Wisp, and Jack'o'Lantern.

The differential densities and heat conducting capacities of Cromwell's Rock could also be the answer as to why the fens are so misty in the early morning, especially in winter.

Scientists are now looking into ways to tap the energies of Cromwell's Rock...
"If we drill to the centre of the meteorite which tests have shown us to have a higher temperature and radioactivity level, we may be able to use a positron extraction ventilator, enabling us to convert the energy differentials via a helix compliable multiplex oscillation unit to create a cost effective local source of electricity".

A pole carried out by Ely OnLine shows that most local people couldn't understand the plan but, none the less, wanted no change. They also couldn't understand why banks don't open on a Saturday, computers, Queens English and how milk comes in little bottles...


Story Contact: mg@ge.ms